A renewed outlet.
So here's the deal. I am the woman of a THOUSAND excuses. I am SO good at it. There is ALWAYS something that can pull me away - being the mom of three very loud and rambunctious boys gives lots of excuses, but I have decided that I need this outlet. I need to be able to get my thoughts down somewhere that isn't just my journal because then there is no skin in the game. I need to let you into my world and my life so that you can see I'm just a mom, trying to impact some kids and trying to make a little iota of difference in this great big world. And that has to start with me.
Rewind about 35 years. I have struggled with my weight since I was a little girl. I remember being heavier and "different" from my classmates when I was nine. Ugh. That hits my gut so hard now that I'm an adult. Little did I know at that time that I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and that my extra weight was going to be something that was a huge monkey on my back for my entire life. How many decisions have been swayed by that one thing? It has always been such a huge part of who I am. I'm the funny fat girl. I never lacked the outward confidence, but I never quite felt good enough, you know?
Well, let's fast forward to this year. I'm going to save you the ugly details of the ups and downs and all the things I tried that failed, and we are going to start here. I'm sure some of that history will all come out as I try and go over things and impact some people, but this is the first post, so we don't need to get all deep and scary. But I want to tell you where I am at TODAY.
I have started going down the road towards doing something BIG. It started last Decemeber when I went to an endocrinologist to see if he could help me to lose some weight. With what, I do not know, but it was a step. He suggested that I try this one drug that is supposed to help your body metabolize faster and do things of which I am not entirely sure. It was only available in the form of a shot that I had to do nightly and having been gestationally diabetic with both pregnancies, I was very used to. Nonetheless, I was on it for over a month and saw ZERO difference. So, I was going to go back to him. But something that he had said in our initial meeting had resonated with me. According to him, I was the perfect candidate for bariatric surgery. Wait. What? Like gastric bypass? Whoa. He had explained that there is now a procedure called the gastric sleeve that has been really successful for people like me. Active and not terrible eating habits, just years of dealing with a body that has no idea how to properly digest and use insulin. I brushed it off because it seemed a little too drastic, but after I didn't see any result with yet another attempt like the inject-able drug, I was a little more intrigued.
Thus began a journey of exploration. I went to see a bariatrician at the clinic that was the highest rated for bariatric surgery in MN and started to talk to them about what might be involved. This led me to appointments with diaticians and food therapists and physical therapists and psych evals and WHEW. I have learned much about myself. Therapy is super good for people. Just in case you didn't know that.
And right now, I'm waiting for an appointment with my surgeon. A final check mark in the file before it gets sent to insurance that I am a good candidate for this. I hate waiting. I'm really pretty bad at it. But I am busy. Busy with my boys, busy with my books, BUSY. But knowing that I am going to be going on a FULL liquid diet for ten days before my surgery (whenever that ends up being), and then will be on that for quite some time after the surgery as my stomach heals, I decided to do a trial run today.
Good Lord. I am sticking with it and I am going to keep this promise to myself (because if I can't keep a promise to myself, why would anyone ever believe that I would keep a promise to them, right? Thank you for that nugget, Rachel Hollis.) today if it kills me. I will not eat any solid food until dinner. Which will be tacos. And then tomorrow, I will be able to say that I did that. And that that is something that I achieved. And when it feels too hard, I will know that I did it already. And I can go one step farther and be confident that I went this far already, because really, what is one more baby step?
I fully plan on reporting more soon. I fully intend on making this blog a thing, even if no one but my mom ends up reading it. Maybe it will help someone. Maybe it will encourage someone. Maybe it will.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.