Rubber, meet road.

I was given my surgery date today. The day that I am supposed to be ready to completely overhaul my life. September 7th. I actually thought it would be sooner, so I am taking this extra preparation time as a blessing. A little more time to practice. A little more time to figure out my why. A little more time to wrap my head around the fact that food, which has been a central tenant of my life for as long as I can remember, will no longer be as such. I'm excited and scared and stinking ready to show this surgery that I am the boss. That I can recover famously well. That I can be another success story. 

But lets go back to that scared part. Because I'm also scared that I might fail. I am also scared that it will be too hard. But at the same time, it doesn't feel hard because I want this. I know that once I start to see the success and feel the difference and know that I am doing GOOD things for myself and my family, it will be better. Easier? Maybe not. But better. 

I am starting Cross Fit in two days. I think it will likely be laughable, but I am hoping that the competitive side of me will kick in and that I will LOVE TO SWEAT. I have never in my life loved to sweat, but I also think it will be a good outlet for some aggression. I am worries about time tough right now. I don't have any time for anything. I do my business between the cracks, which is lovely that that is an option, but if I really want it to make money, I need that crack to be a little wider. And now my husband just told me that we GET to start paying back student loans in a month. Yippee. 

But my God knows ALL my needs and He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He knows that my family needs to get out of debt. He knows that there are things that are out of my control. Hopefully we save a lot of money on my not needing to eat as much. That sounds a little funny, but at the same time, it is the truth. Cost analysis here. 

Things I'm excited about: my back not hurting as much, not feeling that I am pulling a muscle when I bend over in a chair, not being driven constantly about where the next meal is, having MORE energy and therefore more time. I'm not sure that last one is a real thing, but maybe I will feel like I am able to use my time better because I'm not so darn tired. 

Rubber is meeting the road. Still in limbo, my least favorite place to be. Still waiting for our lives to be "set". Does that ever actually happen? Just live on and be happy in a job achieving small goals and getting out of debt while my kids get a great education and I finally feel like I can own being a grown up? Like, does that REALLY ever happen? Or will I always look back and be like, well, that was one more step towards who knows what. One more brick in the road to my journey to...somewhere. I don't need to know where I'm going yet. But I would like to know what kind of vehicle will take me there. 

Okay, this is going a little random, so I am going to wrap up. I am having a big party tonight on a new platform that will hopefully revolutionize how I do Usborne parties. I'm excited and hopeful and a little scared. Which seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life these days. 

Philippians 1:6 - He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it for the glory of Christ Jesus.