The end of the beginning and the beginning of the middle.
Yesterday I started my liquid diet. Its really an interesting mind shift to actually realize that from this point on, my relationship with food will NEVER be the same again. I have been SAYING that, but to actually be here now is really...well...strange. I'm grateful because in my heart I know that my relationship with food was unhealthy, but it is really a very different thing to acknowledge something in your head and to actually live out something in your everyday life.
The first day was hard. Harder than I thought it would be and mostly right in the afternoon. I didn't really realize how much I like to snack. And man, oh man, as I wake up this morning, the NOISES that my stomach is making? HA! It sounds like a bowling alley in my tummy! Not sure what that is all about.
I keep telling myself that I can do very hard things. I have done many in the past. None quite so mentally driven as this, however. This is where the Grit starts to need to show. Because this time it is worth SO much. If I fail at this, there is no other option. Its that important. And it is pivotal that I change how I think. Because that is one side of the unhealthy handcuffs that I have been wearing. The other side is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, but losing weight will also help with that.
I have to rely on my faith when it comes to sticking to this. I need to remember that I am not alone in this struggle. That God is right there and is feeling this with me. Sounds a bit fanciful, right? The God of the Universe cares that my tummy is growling? Well, He knows that number of hairs on my head and put the desire into my heart to be better and to make wiser choices, so I do truly believe that.
I'm hopeful that as I step into day two, that it will become habit. That seeing someone else eat something won't make my mouth water. That I will be able to wrap my head around the fact that I GET to do this and the fact that I have the option to change my life and circumstances is amazing. Hopefully this i the part of the challenge where I am rolling this huge rock UP the hill, and once I find the crest (who knows where that will be), it will start rolling down. That's an interesting metaphor that I haven't really thought of with this before. A huge push and struggle and trial and then at some point, it just gets better. And easier. Will that ever happen? Will there be that point that I look back and say, THAT is when the change occurred in my thinking?
I hope so. Onto Day Two of the rest of my life. I hope to NEVER be the same.