I just ate some cheese.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret that later. I had saved a small chunk of my favorite cheese in the world (Prairie Breeze from Wisconsin, ya'll!) so that during this liquid diet I would be allowed one small cheat. Still high in protein and low in carbs, I knew it wouldn't knock me off the wagon or anything. So, I just ate some cheese.
And my stomach is making weird noises. This is the first FOOD that has been in there for four days. Not that long, right? Apparently my body thinks that it is DYING. Like, I'm wildly confident that if I went to take a nap right now, I would fall into a coma that I may not come out of for awhile because my body is ready to go into survival mode. Oy. So much drama there. LOL
This is hard. I'm not going to sugar coat it or make it sound different. THIS. IS. HARD. But I know that I can do hard things. I have gotten to this point before and I know that I can do it. I can sit through my family eating pizza and giant pretzels at the bowling alley while I drink my protein shake. I can make dinner and watch my family devour tacos while I sip my protein shake. Why do I know I can do that? Because I have. And I did. So, I will continue. And tonight, when we celebrate my aunt's birthday, I will not be tempted because this hard thing that I have done is COMPLETE. I did a HARD THING once, and I can do it again.
My kids are at school today. Even the little one. He didn't even say goodbye to me before he was in class and playing, so I guess that's good. I don't do long goodbyes and tears well. I am trying to get a handle on my ever messy house so that I am prepped for surgery day. Which is ONE WEEK away. This time next week, I will be being rolled into surgery. Holy cats. Getting real doesn't really cover the emotion. I am just really excited to start seeing a change. To start feeling better and faster and healthier. Golly, I am EXCITED.
I can't wait to recognize myself in a mirror again. I bought some size 11 jeans on clearance the other day. Who knows if they will ever fit, but I would love them to. I don't have an ideal size or weight in mind, per se, but if I had to pick what would be healthy on me, it would be a size 8 and between 145-165 lbs. Its going to be a road to get there.
Today I said yes to cheese. Calculated and planned, I am not guilty about it. I think it showed that I am still doing well. I planned when I would "cheat" and I followed through. Ask me in four hours when it is digesting how I feel about that. LOL