Today is surgery day.
Here I am. At the end of the middle of the journey and starting the forever part. I am nervous and excited and anxious and peaceful. My life, no different than any other day, is in God's very capable and perfect hands. He knows the plans He has for me and they are good. For my life, for my family and for the impact I get to have on those I come in contact with. May this new journey open up doors I never even realized were a part of the framework.
Its interesting the clarity of thought that I have as I am here. I thought that after ten days of a liquid diet that I would be foggy and weak. Its actually the opposite. I am stronger because I have realized that my body does not need what I was giving it for nourishment. It can do just fine without all of that crap. And I feel good and regular and not handcuffed by food. It was hard, yeah, but it was also very freeing. Now that I have come through it, I know that I can look at the experience and say - I did that. I had no problem doing that. And now I can do more. I have been saying this the whole time, but now I lived it - I did a VERY HARD THING. And I can do another. I'm stronger than I thought I was. But I am so glad that it was a graduated system. That meaning that I am glad that I was able to see that I could do nine days of just protein shakes before I had to do a day of clear liquids and now a day of NO food as I go into surgery at noon.
I am having my hubby take a picture of me in a shirt that is too small. Its a medium and it is stretchy so it will hug my curves. That will be my before surgery pic. Today, I am currently down 12 pounds from where I started. Which, in ten days is pretty good, in my opinion, but the food intake quality is not sustainable. You can't really just live on protein shakes for the rest of your life. Not only will your body give up but you WILL go insane. LOL. I mean, they are tasty, but they are not actually real food.
I have one week of nothing planned and then my life goes into hyperdrive. I have so much going on with Usborne this fall. I'm thrilled, because it means that my business dreams are coming true along side of my lifestyle dreams, but I need to be healthy.
I'm excited to meet the new me. The one that is not constantly ruled by food. The one who tries a bite and is satisfied with knowing the flavor and not gorging on the fat. I do not plan to deny myself anything, because that is not life, but I do fully intend to modify everything. I want to feel clear and strong and good always, not as a surprise here and there. My body is an incredible tool and I am so looking forward to seeing it work. It is time and I am ready.
Heavenly Father, I give You this. Again. But today, I give you my all and entrust my body to the surgeons and know that you will guide their hands. Keep me safe, keep my family safe and get me ready for the rest of my life. I want this and I want to be an example of how good and faithful You are. Let me be a light throughout my life so that I can honor You.
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.